Massively shit

So Microsoft have launched their ‘Games on Demand’ service as part of today’s utterly underwhelming Dashboard update.

What’s on offer?

Firstly, all the games are £19.99.  Not 2352M$P but actually £19.99.  Maybe because that looks cheaper than 2352M$P.  Don’t know.

So, what does twenty quid buy you in the digital world?  Kameo… Perfect Dark Zero… Fight Night 3… CoD2… and basically a bunch of shit that you’d only pay a fiver for now and at least you’d have something physical to add to your collection.

Is this the shittest thing since anything ever?  I think so.

Shitesaber

So, those Avatar things that we played with for literally ten minutes back when the fuck-awful NXE thing launched last year.  Microsoft hadn’t really done much with them apart from occasionally giving us hats or whatever.  Well, the latest Xbox Live update has added the following sure fire signs that certain people shouldn’t be on your friendlist.

Clone Trooper Armour/Elite Outfit/COG Armor/Elites Outfit/Locust Drone Armour/Obi-Wan Tunic and Armour/Sam Fisher Outfit/Splinter Cell Outfit/UNSC Marine Armor – all priced between 320 or 400M$P each.

There’s also the following pointless shit:

• Basketball – 160M$P
• Big Daddy Doll – 240M$P
• Camera – 160M$P
• Dumbbells – 160M$P
• Guitar -160M$P
• Lightsaber – 400M$P
• Mobile Phone – 160M$P
• Pom Poms – 160M$P
• Popcorn – 160M$P
• Football – 160M$P

Literally shit then.

Sting like a butterfly.

I thought developers had learned the lesson by now.  Remember GRAW’s ridiculous three achievements for being literally the best in the world at the game?  Well they realised, by the time the made GRAW2, that those achievements were stupid and sorted it out.

Even Epic released us from ranked match hell for Gears 2 and a bunch of other games have shifted their focus from ranked match achievements because, as we all know, playing against the random filth you find on Xbox Live is UTTERLY JOYLESS.

EA however seem to be living in this insane fantasy world where Xbox Live is actually some sort of community.  If it is, it’s that place that Karen Matthews is from.  Look at Fifa ’09, it’s a great game but the DLC forces you to try and win online tournaments against randoms.  You know, the sort of pricks who actually pay M$P for the best players, use the unbalanced formation and always play the cheap square pass/tap-in tactic for scoring.  Give me a level playing field and I’m fine, but don’t expect me to drop to their level.  If you were playing against a mate offline you wouldn’t pick Real Madrid if he picked  MK Dons would you?

Anyway, EA have repeated this trick with their new, not-as-good-as-the-last-one, boxing game Fight Night Round 4.  Firstly, there are THREE achievements for winning online belts (ie – be the best in the world against cheap tactic bastards)  in three weight divisions which is fucking ridiculous and shouldn’t happen in these post-GRAW days.  Secondly, this broken fucking system means that the champions can refuse to play you which has, all to predictably, led to the belts all being held to ransom by low self-esteem tossers who are demanding as much as 4000M$P, a year’s worth of Live or a £20 PSN card to give up the title.

I don’t know who are the bigger twats, these pondlife for doing it or EA for thinking it wouldn’t happen.

(Instant IP ban for anyone who comments about games not being about achievements/trophies, that’s not the fucking point).