Borderlands: The Secret Armoury of General Knoxx DLC

Rich

Wow, you’ve caught me at a bad time.  All this week I’ve been either playing this, the latest DLC for the game that broke my heart, Borderlands, or the last one (Mad Moxxy’s Shitty Arena Battles) and frankly I’m sick to fucking death of fucking Borderlands.  However, this DLC does carry a few positives (which by default makes it the best B’lands DLC so far).

Billing itself as the “BEST. DLC. EVER”, The Secret Armory of General Knoxx, is a collection of missions set across a number of locations linked by a crumbling highway system.  The reason for Gearbox’s self-congratulations are that this DLC finally ups the level cap (from 50 to 61) and adds a few new weapons (albeit no changes to the standard archetypes) and vehicles.

It came from the desert...

Unfortunately, as with the other DLCs, everything in this package is an excuse for massive amounts of CHORE.   You’ll need to complete this DLC (and the others) a few times if you want to hit level 61 for a start.  Then there are the missions which are scattered around in no particular order and involve plenty of searching, backtracking and repetition.  Also, none of the areas in the game have teleports so you have to trudge everywhere and, for some ridiculous reason, the map still doesn’t show you unhighlighted mission markers in your current location.

That said, there are some highlights.  The prison mission is hilarious, thanks to some excellent voice acting from the prisoners, and the Circle of Duty arena missions are vastly superior to anything we saw on Mad Moxxy’s Underdone thanks to the arena being less cluttered and because of the introduction of vehicles and rocketmen.

Midgets on skags are the mindkiller.

For the most part though, it’s just another grind.  There are lots of missions but these rarely go beyond the standard fetch quest template laid out by the main game.  Also, the DLC pulls what can only be described as the biggest cunt’s trick ever.  One of the locations has a giant bullet in it and pressing the use button next to it will drain your account by around seven million credits.  Considering that you can only hold ten million this is unacceptably shit.  Especially as you get nothing for it apart from an achievement called ‘The World’s Biggest Sucker’.

This is made even more galling by the fact that the DLC’s end boss is a level 64 uber-bastard (on both playthroughs) and has vending machines that sell top-level gear in his lair.  Which would be useful if the cunts at Gearbox hadn’t just nicked two thirds of my fucking cash.  Instead I’m shooting him with a fucking peashooter. 

Now, I’m asking nicely… please… just stop.  I hate Borderlands now.  I loved it once but now the party’s over.  Everyone I’ve played with online hates it as well.  The DLC has ruined one of the great games of 2009 and it needs to stop.  Also, haven’t you got Aliens: Colonial Marines to finish?

Score?  Fuck off out of ten.  Maybe a fuck off you game-ruining bellends out of ten, depending on how much you care about achievements.