Review – Bubsy: The Woolies Strike Back

Platformer/Retro

Don’t make me flare my nostrils!

Bubsy the Bobcat isn’t a mascot that we’re very familiar with.  Not because we’re too young or anything (far fucking from it) but because fuck all your 16-bit mascots.  Especially platforming animal ones.  What was that ninja one?  Zool.  Fucking weird ninja thing jumping around Chupa Chup lollies.  Fuck.  And you think modern gaming is shit?

Anyway, Bubsy was a thing in 1993 or some shit.  He had a couple of 2D games that we can’t be bothered to Wiki for you and then he had that shit 3D one on the PlayStation.  So, we weren’t expecting him to come back.

Well fuck us and our expectations because Bubsy is here and jumping between platforms (now in 2.5D) like he’d never been away.  Apparently aliens have stolen something from him (the game gives the plot about the same time it takes us to set fire to our house when the radio accidentally plays a fucking Muse song) and he’s got to jump around a lot in an effort to get it back.

Each level sees you heading right, jumping gaps, collecting things and avoiding obstacles.  You can avoid enemies or pounce at them.  That’s pretty much it until you hit a boss battle.  There are three of those but they are all basically the same.  A UFO shoots at you until it becomes invulnerable at which point you can pounce at it and take its health bar down a little.

An hour later you’ll have beaten the game having seen basically the same main level play out ten times (punctuated by those three boss battles).  You can replay it to get all the collectables (for the measly 11 trophies the game gives you) but you won’t want to.  Because it’s not very good.

And guess what?  It’s costs a walloping 25 fucking quid.  That’s like half of a Mario Odyssey and that game can apparently cure AIDS, cancer and a broken heart.

Final score: M25 Cat Murderer/10.