Pay your stumpy dues.

Sinister.  Sony’s latest PS3 update now causes some third party joypads to stop working, presumably as an answer to the USB mod that allows you to pirate a bunch of games that you’ll never play anyway.  That’s not a huge worry as the majority of third party controllers are literally horrific.

But there’s more.  Sony’s own Consumer Alert says “It is possible that some counterfeit product may ignite or explode, resulting in injury or damage to the user, your PlayStation3 computer entertainment system, or other property.”

Ignite or explode?  We don’t want to see what happens if you plug a Poundland Move controller in.  Cats and dogs living together presumably.

Twenty minutes into the future.

Lionhead’s decidedly sketchy grooming simulator is heading into cancel-o-rumour territory.  Nineteen contractors hired to make the unconvincingly demoed at E3 virtual human thing have now been reallocated to the Fable 3 project instead.

Lionhead and Microsoft have responded with “we do not respond to rumours” which doesn’t really clear things up much.

Still, Milo was the singularity.  Skynet was next.  Enjoy your extra time on this planet.  Every day since the cancellation of Milo is a gift.

Never.

This Kinect thing.  It’s going to be completely lame.  It’s also going to be made available to Indie Games developers.  This is easily the most uninteresting thing we could report.  In fact right now I feel bad about it.  The worst thing is, a while back the XBLIG scene started showing promise with several good games hitting all within a month of each other.

I need to spin a good ending though.  How about this?  At least they can’t make any massage apps for it.  You’d better get used to the idea of waving at zombies though.

The ants are back.

We mentioned a little while back that our favourite Xbox 360 game, EDF (EDF! EDF!), has a sequel on the way, Earth Defense Force: Insect Armageddon.  Since then it has been confirmed that the game will have a three-player online co-op campaign mode and a six-player Horde Mode variant.  Now we ordinarily get a bit pissy about the fucking constant inclusion of Horde Mode but EDF basically is Horde Mode so fuck it, we’re cool.

If that’s not exciting enough for you.  Here’s a trailer.

Rehceeb Saibot

Sony have been keeping very tight-lipped when it comes to a possible successor to the PSP.  Presumably because they are only a couple of sales away from round PSP Go sales up to twenty.  That hasn’t stopped Shaun ‘there once was a man from’ Himmerick, a Mortal Kombat dev, from spilling his guts about it.

“We’re not launching day one on all consoles like that. We are looking at them; we have a PSP2 in the house and we’re looking at the engine, like what can it support.  Always a big thing for us is the performance. We’re running at 60 fps, what can we do and do we have to build all the art assets over. We’re definitely looking at them. PSP2 looks like it’s a pretty powerful machine. We don’t have a 3DS system in house yet, but we’re looking to get one, and we’ll certainly look at what its power is.”

Exciting.   But will it have a second analogue stick?  Will it have glasses-less 3D?  Will it use physical media?  Most importantly, can I still flash it and run Manic Miner on it?  Stay tuned (to proper gaming news sites, we’re bored of this story already) for more answers in the near future.

Ain't nothin' up there but dead folk.

Fans of soulcrushing inevitability are about to score a big win.  Rockstar’s universally-bummed cowboy sandboxer is about to follow suit with every other big gaming franchise by cramming in a zombie-flavoured storyline into Red Dead Redemption.  The Undead  Nightmare (sigh) DLC pack will see John Marston riding around the frontier, looking for a cure to an outbreak of zombism.

The pack will also feature a range of multiplayer modes which are yet to be confirmed.  We’ll be literally amazed if there isn’t a Horde mode in there to put us to sleep.  Anyway, date is to be confirmed but the price is rumoured to be 800M$P (£6.80) or that amount in PlayStation cash.

I've covered wars, you know.

After the huge success of Case Zero, Capcom have announced Case West which will feature Frank West, the protagonist from the original Dead Rising, and will appear on XBLA.  It will act as an epilogue apparently.  Hopefully it will be less short and just as sweet as Case Zero which we loved dearly.

Excitingly it will support co-op play with one of you playing as West and the other as Dead Rising 2’s Chuck Greene.  Annoyingly, it is due for release shortly after the main game – a game which we’re expecting to take a a while to finish if Dead Rising is anything to go by.

You suck at Halo motherfeerrfffmpp... hhhMPPHHH!

Hey, how are you enjoying Halo: Reach?  Yeah, that’s very interesting.  Anyway, shush.  Your enjoyment of Bungie’s FPS title may soon go up and it’s all thanks to science.

The game will be keeping count of how many times a player is muted by other players.  Get enough er… mutes and you get auto-muted from then on.  We don’t know how long that’ll last.  We could find out but honestly couldn’t care less.  Anyway, if it riles up some squeaky-voiced fuck from over the pond then great.

You go Dixons! You buy Saisho! Very good product.

It’s almost Tokyo Game Show time!  The Japanese still make all the interesting stuff so we’re kind of excited.  That said, they can fuck off with Gal Gun which is apparently a 3D shooter.  We just hate the name.  A lot.

Anyway, here’s the line-up;

KINECT

* list deleted because we couldn’t give two fucks

XBOX 360

Gal Gun, El Shaddai, Need for Speed Hot Pursuit, FIFA 11, Dead Rising 2, Marvel vs Capcom 3, Monster Hunter Frontier Online, DoDonPachi Resurrection (release it here you Cavey cunts), Otomedius X Excellent! , Castlevania Lords of Shadows, Metal Gear Solid Rising , Winning Eleven 2011, Gun Loco, Deus Ex, Call of Duty Black Ops, Final Fantasy XIII Ultimate Hits International, Front Mission Evolved, Vanquish, Virtual On Force, Fallout New Vegas, Dream Club Zero, Idolmaster 2, Gundam Musou 3, Dragon Ball Raging Blast 2, Naruto Ultimate Storm 2, Bullet Soul , Gears of War 3, Fable III, Halo Reach, Mass Effect 2, Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood, SBK X JP Edition, Stoked Big Air Edition.

XBOX LIVE ARCADE

Gunwange, Crazy Taxi, Sonic Adventure, Bonk Brink of Extinction, Comic Jumper.

Not an awful line-up.  We’d drink from a kangaroo’s cock for those Cave shooters.  Stoked and Idolmaster can get to fucking fuck though.

The agony of choice (and missing crucial penalties).

It’s a slow news day here at PEOWW but we imagine other, less sweary, sites are cuffing themselves to death because today EA and Konami go head-to-head with demos of PES: Whatever and FIFA: Again hitting the Live dashboard.  What do we think?  Fuck it, I’m writing this the night before while listening to Senser and drinking tea (all proper tea is best and this is a hat-doffing zone).

So let me guess.  I’m thinking that FIFA: Beleven will be more or less like the last one but imperceivably different which will lead to at least a hundred people on GameFAQs wetting themselves and proclaiming it much better than Fifa: The Previous One.  They do it every year, even if EA set the bar at Euro 2008 and are settling for attempting to headbutt it.

As for Pro Devolution Soccer, well it’s the same every year.  You’ll batter the opposition.  The keeper will save everything.  After about ten attempts on goal, the AI will hoof it forward to “the big man upfront” and he’ll blast it straight at the keeper, all Heskey-ish, who will spill it into the path of some AI cunt and it’ll be annual write-off PES day.

Still, we get to re-use that image.  Which makes us happy.  Stay tuned as we tell you ‘told you so’/eat our hats (*delete as appropriate).