Peoww News

Our spies have spotted the worst kind of gaming accessory, one that serves no usual function whatsover. I give you these. Yes, that’s right, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 glasses. And you thought seeing neds in Gears Of War branded t-shirts was bad.

I quote the website:  “CALL OF DUTY MW3 Gaming Eyewear:
Fully loaded. GUNNAR’s Call of Duty MW3 Gaming Eyewear packs every advanced feature of our eSport eyewear into a future-warrior inspired design. Spring hinges, precision engineered into a magnesium / aluminum body, provide a custom fit…”

You what? Future-warrior? Future-wanker mair like.   Let’s go through those bullet pointed features:

• increases CONTRAST for greater visual accuracy and efficiency

There’s a setting on your TV for contrast oddly enough.

• enhances DETAIL for sharper, clearer vision

Try connecting to a higher resolution source than the scabby 14″ standard definition portable in your parents spare room, a discarded CRT monitor out of a nearby skip would be an improvement.

• helps REDUCE GLARE and improves focus

If you can’t see ’cause of the sunshine coming in from outside, draw the curtains. Or put down your controller for a minute and enjoy the day.

• Improves visual ENDURANCE for extended gaming sessions

Rather than put strain on your relationship with your parents/spouse/housemate by playing every given hour, try talking to them for a change. Your life won’t end if you don’t get to Prestige level within a week of the cursed game coming out.

• DECREASES eye FATIGUE and dry eyes

Hmm. Try a normal sleep pattern rather than waking up at noon and playing until 4am.

These are set to retail in the US for $99. That’s SIXTY BLOODY POUNDS (see, Gunnar don’t have the monopoly on overused capital letters). If I was going to drop £60 on a gaming accessory I’d rather it actually served a useful purpose. Rather than making me look like a bigger cvnt than usual. Ian